bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
