Pappa wants mamma naked
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
