Ambien. No doubt about it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
