I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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