That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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