Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
