in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have aggressive nipples.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
