You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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