i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
