i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
