barbara walters just said penis...
i think i have two assholes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
