I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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