I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
