is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
