Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
