he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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