Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
