Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
