Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
