I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
