I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
