So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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