is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
