I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we made out on top of his cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
