he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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