Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
