her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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