We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
