I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
