based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
