i can't believe i had my finger in that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
