Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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