Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
