This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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