So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
