I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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