Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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