Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
