I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
