This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
