the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
