According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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