Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's never too late to be topless.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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