It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
