If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
