haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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