Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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