I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
