32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
