Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
