Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
