i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
