my sisters under your porch take her home
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
